38 Weeks Today!

Today I'm 38 weeks... as you can tell by the title. It's weird being so close to the end of pregnancy but not knowing exactly WHEN it will end, just that at some point it has too.

I am hoping she is born sometime this week, although it's not the full 40 weeks. I am just terrified of her being born on Christmas or Christmas Eve. My mom had a Christmas birthday and most of her life no one bothered even saying Happy Birthday and she got the same amount of gifts as her brothers and sisters. 

I don't want that for Em. I want her to have her own birthday. It's special, particularly when you're a child, and it wouldn't be fair to her if it was on Christmas. No one remembers or even cares. 

I will, of course, because I know what it was like for my mom but the other day my in-laws were talking about just getting her one gift if she was born one of those days.

So, in short, I'm hoping she comes a little early.

Of course, if she doesn't come the last date she can naturally is the 28th. The 29th I will be induced and that will be that. I wouldn't mind the 27th, 28th, or 29th so if she doesn't come by the 22nd, I'm going to hold her in until at least the 27th! She'll thank me later!

Pregnancy Effects No One Told Me About

When I was maybe 9 the only thing I ever wanted to do (besides being an author) was being a mom. My first niece was born a year earlier and I remember thinking I wanted to be a mom, that's it. I wanted to take care of the little creature who could barely speak or walk but somehow she was the sweetest little thing in the world.

Later on, I imagined getting married at 20 (which coincidentally, I did) and having a baby right away (luckily I did not do that). I wanted four kids and I wanted them all before I was30. That changed, of course, when I got a little older and wanted to go out but I can honestly say I never stopped wanting kids, I just didn't want them right away.

The thing is when you're younger and thinking about your future and getting married and having kids you (okay, well me, at least) almost always think of having the child not everything you have to go through to get it. I'm not talking about how but about pregnancy. I never imagined being pregnant. I imagined having a newborn but not a huge basketball where my abdomen used to be.

Now, to be honest, for me, pregnancy has been pretty easy. I never had morning sickness. I didn't have any wierd cravings. I didn't have any big scares with my baby. I felt her move when she was supposed to. All my doctors appointment assure me that everything is perfect. I really have nothing to complain about... but of course I do.

First of all, I've been thin my whole life. I've never dieted, never really exercised much. I was just thin. I'm not used to looking in the mirror and seeing a huge stomach and thighs. I've cried a few times about it.  I knew it would happen but knowing it will happen and it actually happening are two very different things.

But I can get over that. Okay, so I'll have to diet and exercise to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, okay. I can deal with it. I don't like it but I can deal.

The one thing I'm not sure I can deal with, although I'll have to learn, is not writing. I mean, yes I'm writing this but that's different. I can't seem to write anything to do with my projects. I try and try and nothing comes and when something comes it's complete garbage. I can't even stand to look at it, let alone read it.

I've cried about this too.

I feel like I'm actually having writers block. I don't really believe in writers block so for me to say that... well it's bad.

My husband tells me its just hormones (I HATE when people say that) and once Em (that's our babies name... Well Emilynn, but Em for short) gets her and we get settled into a new routine I'll get back to writing but I'm afraid. What if I don't?

I have all this free time right now and when she comes I won't have any. Why will I be able to write then?

So this particular piece of pregnancy I can't stand. I hate it and all I can do is hope it disappears after I'm no longer pregnant but I'm not sure it will.

Anyone else had this kind of problem or am I the only one? Is this amazing pregnancy that has been almost symptomless the cause? I mean no one can have it too great, right? There has to be something that's wrong.

What do the rest of you think??