Go into a book store, look online or in a library and you will find a million self help books. There are so many. Things like how to deal with grief over a loss of a loved one, how to be better at relationships, and on and on the list goes.
One of the most popular self-help books that hardly even seem like self help? Parenting books.
But they are self help and they are the worst type of self help.
Why? Because they tell you what to do rather then letting you rely on your own instincts.
You'll find a lot of these types of books but the majority will be either advocates of schedules or attachment parenting. There is nothing particulary wrong with either besides the fact that it rules out your own feelings in the matter. Read a book like "The Contented Little Baby" or "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems" and you'll find things like you need to get your baby on a schedule from Day 1 or ELSE. Else being you will be a slave to your baby, will never sleep again, and you will be manipulated over and over. Read a book like "The Attachment Parenting Book" or "Attachment Parenting" and you will get the exact opposite advice. Feed on demand or "cue", co-sleep, and wear your baby constantly.
Read both books and you are sure to feel inadequate no matter what you do.
I want to write a book about parenting. It will be all of one page long, not including copyrights. It will say. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. The End.
I love to read and I love to see what other people are doing so I've read both The Baby Whisperer and The Attachment Parenting Book. I do not subscribe to either, however. I like the baby whisperer because it gives advice on how to gently teach your baby to sleep alone (never really a problem for me except for naps! Little Em hates napping) and I like the other because I think it's more of a commonsense guide to parenting. I liked reading it because I did feel better about feeding my baby every hour and a half, picking her up as soon as she cried which all my "great" doctor/nurse advice told me was wrong. Had I not read it I would have felt (get this) guilty for feeding her so soon and picking her up so often.
Had I not had the advice by medical professionals I think I wouldn't have thought twice about it. Baby cries? Pick her up. Duh. Why do they tell parents not to pick up there babies!?
But then again there are some things about each of the book I hate. The baby whisperer. Feed every 3 hours. Yeah, maybe when your bottle feeding and the baby is not a newborn newborn. Em didn't start going 2 hours between feeds until a month. About 2.5 at 3 months and then somewhere during the third month she started finally going 3 which she still is. (and the book says now she should be going 4... come on). Also never let the baby sleep on you, in the car, rocking, eating... and so on. Dude, whatever works those first months.
The other book? Well I can't co-sleep. I wouldn't get any sleep. I want my baby to have some time to herself to... yeah it's nice to be with mom but also don't you think a baby needs a little independence too? They might want to go off and play not be in a sling ALL day.
The problem? The real problem? Is extremism.
Not everything is going to work with every baby or every parent. Some babies don't do well co-sleeping like some parents don't. Some babies really are too big to carry ALL day in a sling. Some babies can't go more than 2 hours without eating.
Moral of the story? Relax. Do what's right for your baby and you. Happy mom = happy baby. Trust me.
I realize I'm giving parents advice when I've been a mom all of 20 seconds (no-4.5 months!) but I feel like because we've lost that sort of "pack" atmosphere where clans lived together for years and moms taught their daughters to be mothers and so women go looking for advice elsewhere. And then feel like they are "mothering" wrong because of what some books tells them.
I know the feeling, unfortunately. But, luckily my husband is amazing and convinced me that I should just do what I feel and Em will turn out to be the girl she's meant to be. I just hope other women have the great husband I do and if not that the come to the realization on their own.
Give your child love and limits and she will love you back and be a much better adult for it.
Happy parenting everyone!
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