The Problem(s) With Parenting Books

Go into a book store, look online or in a library and you will find a million self help books. There are so many. Things like how to deal with grief over a loss of a loved one, how to be better at relationships, and on and on the list goes.

One of the most popular self-help books that hardly even seem like self help? Parenting books.
But they are self help and they are the worst type of self help.

Why? Because they tell you what to do rather then letting you rely on your own instincts.

You'll find a lot of these types of books but the majority will be either advocates of schedules or attachment parenting. There is nothing particulary wrong with either besides the fact that it rules out your own feelings in the matter. Read a book like "The Contented Little Baby" or "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems" and you'll find things like you need to get your baby on a schedule from Day 1 or ELSE. Else being you will be a slave to your baby, will never sleep again, and you will be manipulated over and over. Read a book like "The Attachment Parenting Book" or "Attachment Parenting" and you will get the exact opposite advice. Feed on demand or "cue", co-sleep, and wear your baby constantly.

Read both books and you are sure to feel inadequate no matter what you do.

I want to write a book about parenting. It will be all of one page long, not including copyrights. It will say. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. The End.

I love to read and I love to see what other people are doing so I've read both The Baby Whisperer and The Attachment Parenting Book. I do not subscribe to either, however. I like the baby whisperer because it gives advice on how to gently teach your baby to sleep alone (never really a problem for me except for naps! Little Em hates napping) and I like the other because I think it's more of a commonsense guide to parenting. I liked reading it because I did feel better about feeding my baby every hour and a half, picking her up as soon as she cried which all my "great" doctor/nurse advice told me was wrong. Had I not read it I would have felt (get this) guilty for feeding her so soon and picking her up so often.

Had I not had the advice by medical professionals I think I wouldn't have thought twice about it. Baby cries? Pick her up. Duh. Why do they tell parents not to pick up there babies!?

But then again there are some things about each of the book I hate. The baby whisperer. Feed every 3 hours. Yeah, maybe when your bottle feeding and the baby is not a newborn newborn. Em didn't start going 2 hours between feeds until a month. About 2.5 at 3 months and then somewhere during the third month she started finally going 3 which she still is. (and the book says now she should be going 4... come on). Also never let the baby sleep on you, in the car, rocking, eating... and so on. Dude, whatever works those first months.

The other book? Well I can't co-sleep. I wouldn't get any sleep. I want my baby to have some time to herself to... yeah it's nice to be with mom but also don't you think a baby needs a little independence too? They might want to go off and play not be in a sling ALL day.

The problem? The real problem? Is extremism.

Not everything is going to work with every baby or every parent. Some babies don't do well co-sleeping like some parents don't. Some babies really are too big to carry ALL day in a sling. Some babies can't go more than 2 hours without eating.

Moral of the story? Relax. Do what's right for your baby and you. Happy mom = happy baby. Trust me.

I realize I'm giving parents advice when I've been a mom all of 20 seconds (no-4.5 months!) but I feel like because we've lost that sort of "pack" atmosphere where clans lived together for years and moms taught their daughters to be mothers and so women go looking for advice elsewhere. And then feel like they are "mothering" wrong because of what some books tells them.

I know the feeling, unfortunately. But, luckily my husband is amazing and convinced me that I should just do what I feel and Em will turn out to be the girl she's meant to be. I just hope other women have the great husband I do and if not that the come to the realization on their own.

Give your child love and limits and she will love you back and be a much better adult for it.

Happy parenting everyone!

Writing With A Baby

Little Miss Emilynn is a mamas girl. There really is no point in arguing that. She loves to be with me which us nice... most of the time. I sort of love being the one who can soothe her when everyone else has tried... except, of course, when I'm showering, eating, napping, etc. But the worst is when I'm writing.

I can starve. I can stink. I can be sleep-deprived. But writing? I can't not write. For me its really just not an option. (Except apparently when I'm pregnant) Its like a basic need. I get irrationally angry when I can't write.

Oh don't get me wrong sometimes I'll go days, weeks, or even months without writing but because I am either burnt out or I don't have a current project.

But when I am in the middle of a project and go days weeks or months without writing? And I don't mean a scribble here or there.. because I ALWAYS do that but real substantial writing? Watch out. I'm not a pretty sight.

Besides the first few weeks Em is pretty good about letting me do a little writing. But its never the amount I want... and you know what? This is actually a GOOD thing.
I write 500 words a day now. I do not go to bed before I get this. Most of the time I go over the 500 words and have to force myself to stop in order to get some sleep.

And do you know what this has taught me? Writing 500 words 7 days a week is much better than 3500 one day.  Because the next week you'll write 500 words a day but you might not write 3500 words in one day again. Maybe you'll write 5000.. maybe none.

Em has taught me something I've heard all my life but never truly listened to it: its much better to be consistent.

Its like school. Study for four hours the night before the test or study one hour for four nights. Which is better? Obviously the latter. Writing is exactly the same.

So instead of being angry when my writhing sessions are cut short from a hungry baby I try to remember that she's keeping me from burning out. She's keeping me interested. She's making me want to write more instead of feeling obligated to do so.

Em already knows what's best for mom : )

What has your little one taught you about writing?

Breastfeeding: Our Love/Hate Relationship

Everyone knows (or should know) the benefits of breastfeeding. I could list quite a few from memory. Like less likely to develop allergies, less likely to be sick and when sick usually not as severe, decreased risk of sids, a boost in intelligence... and the list goes on.

And then there are more benefits for mom like lower risk of osteoporosis and breast cancer and other cancers, natural birth control and losing pregnancy weight faster.

All good things. And not even the only things I like about breastfeeding. I love its simplicity. No bottles, no mixing formula, no worry about running out at 3am. I love its ready 24/7. I love its low cost--free! I love that I have to hold her while she's eating-- no bottle propping. I love how easy she is soothed by this.

But my relationship with breastfeeding hasn't been all flowers and candy. There are some things that make bottle feeding look very tempting.

I hate I can't delegate some feedings. She blatantly refuses the bottle. She took it fine until 3 months then wasn't having it.

I hate being a slave to feeding her though truth be told its much better now. Before she could make it about an hour and a half between meals and that almost killed me but now its usually 2.5 to 3. Mostly 3.

I hate having to leave the room when company comes over to feed her. This is my issue but still annoying.

I hate not being able to leave her with anyone for a substantial amount of time. Moms need breaks too!

I hate not being able to wear what I want. Hoodies and tight short sleeve shirts are way too inconvenient. Or eat and drink what I want. Alcohol for one. But also Em had reflux which was diagnosed a milk allergy and i couldn't eat dairy...however with some research on my part I found it was actually an oversupply of milk. I am a very enthusiastic milk maker! But all seems to be in control now.

But its obvious the benefits and things I love far outweigh the disadvantages and truth be told I wouldn't ever switch to formula unless medically necessary.

I will stick with it one full year and then move to cows milk. (Although I have no problem with extended BF its not for me)

Anyone on here breastfeed? What did you like/dislike about it?

Something You Love

Writing is a choice. Plain and simple.

I do not, nor will I ever feel sorry for someone who says they don't have the time to write. I don't have time either but I make the time.

Writing is beautiful in the way it can almost literally be done anywhere. You can scribble something down on a notepad or write a few words down on the back of a piece of mail. You can type on a home computer or laptop. Or you can, as I am in this very moment punch out every letter on a cell phone (while breastfeeding I might add)

If writing is a priority then you will make the time. If its not, you wont. And that's not necessarily a problem. Id love to learn french or play the piano but my real love is writing.

Moral of the story? Do what you love. Making time for something you want to do is easy because it drives you. Instead of watching that episode of The Big Bang Theory go and write. Or whatever else you love because when it's something you love you wont feel like you're missing out on anything.

Don't use the excuse you don't have time make the time.